My Child is Too Anxious! What Can I do?

Anxiety like never before
Is the situation worse now these days or are we just imagining it? There's no doubt our childhoods were different to those of our children. There are social pressures on our kids that we didn't have, such as (the big one) social media, cyber bullying, media images affecting body image, fewer stay-at-home parents, faster paced everything, dietary changes, less outside play and more.

Some level of anxiety is NORMAL. But a lot of kids seem to suffer too much with anxious thoughts. This is when parents sometimes become alarmed and look for help.

What is 'normal' anxiety?
It's normal to be a little anxious about these sorts of things:

• first day at school
• seeing a new doctor
• meeting a relative you've never met
• being alone in the dark
• going to bed in winter
• a dog barking at you
• hurting yourself
• getting lost
• losing track of Mum when shopping

Normal anxiety:

• feels uncomfortable, but not life threatening. 
• passes fairly quickly.
• is often overcome with encouragement
• can be talked through and managed

When anxiety levels rise and spill over to heightened anxiety that cannot be contained, or the anxiety stops your child from interacting normally, then we're entering into phobias/obsessive thoughts/panic attacks territory.

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What are the physical symptoms of anxiety?
Anxiety is a natural mechanism in our brains designed to keep us safe from danger. It involves:

• the brain
• blood circulation
• hormonal system
• muscular system

It begins with a thought in our consciousness, which makes us aware of danger. This triggers a reaction in our brain, which causes adrenaline to be released, which raises our heart rate. Blood flows to our limbs getting us ready to run away or fight. The feeling of needing to run is very high. This is a chemical reaction in our body. Perfectly normal. And if the danger goes away or proves to be a false reaction (no actual danger), the chemicals dissipate and our body returns to normal.

Normally, these physical changes are lightning fast and uncontrollable. As soon as the thought enters our head, the changes occur. Similarly, as soon as we realise there is no actual danger, the thought triggers a calming down process.

It is also normal to have sweaty hands and forehead, a thumping sensation in the chest, tingling in the hands. But, as I mentioned, these feeling pass.

How do I know if my child is experiencing too  much anxiety?
Sometimes extra 'sensitive' children may feel anxious over smaller, trivial things. Or children may feel heightened emotions due to trauma they have experienced or are in the middle of experiencing, such as family break-up, death of a loved one, relocation to a totally new environment. Many children with Asperger's Syndrome or Attention Deficit Disorder experience intense anxiety as part of their condition.

There are lots of triggers in a child's life that can cause a rise in anxiety symptoms. This usually passes with time and gentle understanding on the part of the adults in their life.

If a child:

• is having trouble breathing, 
• their eyes are wide and they have a look of terror on their face, 
• suddenly screams 
• hides in their room crying over a trivial matter
• can't stop crying
• refuses flatly to go to school
• becomes physically violent in their panic
• vomits from stress

These are symptoms of distress. Your child needs help. 

How do I help my anxious child?

The first step is to make an appointment with your GP. Do a bit of research and find a GP with counseling experience or one who specialises in children. This advice is for referals to appropriate counselling, not medicating!

Secondly, begin reading up on strategies for managing childhood anxiety. From my work with children and their parents over 28 years I have written a book especially for children. It talks very candidly about the symptoms of anxiety, why they occur and how to handle them. The focus of the book is upon the child learning about themselves and how to move forward in their life without being held back by this often debilitating condition.

 

12 Annoying Monsters - Self talk for Kids with Anxiety 

It's packed with information, fun activities and is designed to get parents and children talking about this very issue. There are many useful tools in this book that parents and children have loved. It has also been used by psychologists and counsellors in their practices.

"My son loved it. I thought it was absolutely brilliant. It was insightful, compassionate and used kid-friendly language. I truly enjoyed reading it. I only wish I had a book like this when I was a child."

– Flavia Young, Publicist and blogger

"Your 'Monsters' book is excellent Dawn. I am giving it to my daughter (Special Needs Teacher) to see if she can utilise it in her work as well."

– H. Mayr, Psychologist

 

"I thought the tone and amount of content were just right for pre-teens and teens who might feel constantly preached at by parents. The author provides age-appropriate examples of what it might feel or look like to experience some of the emotions discussed, and strategies someone might try to overcome them. I especially liked the section about how to take care of yourself, eat right, get enough and the right kind of rest. All important stuff!" - Jannette Matula

 

 "Great discussion points for my kid clients in therapy. The illustrations could have been better/more poignant but I like the simple explanations." - Rita Zimmerman

 

 

Foods that HELP ANXIOUS CHILDREN

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Anxiety and Food - is there a link?
Does the food we eat make us more anxious or do we eat certain foods because we're anxious? Is this a natural behaviour that evolved from survival 'in the wild' where we needed high calorie foods for energy to escape danger? These questions were explored through a study by Murphy and Mercer article published in UK completed in 2013. The results indicated the following:

• What a mother eats during pregnancy and while breast feeding can impact upon the child's mood and later food choices
• We tend to be attracted to certain types of foods when we are anxious. This may seem to be a natural response in our bodies. In the natural environment where we might be in danger it would be helpful, but in our modern environment where we are mostly inactive and not in immediate threat of danger, these foods just make us fat.
• Anxious people may be born with that tendency and their food choices may reflect this
• It is possible for Children conceived and breast fed with high caloric foods such as high in sugar and saturated fats to change their dietary habits later in life
• Eating to feel better sets up a cycle that may be difficult to break away from. The more we eat of these foods, the more we want and feel we need them.

Treats or Traps?
Many parents feel it is a battle to get their children to eat fruits and particularly vegetables, while at the same time don't want them to 'miss out on treats like the rest of the family.' From the above research it would seem that the diet of the mother is crucial in the process of establishing healthy food choices in your child simply because foods and the body's response are chemical processes that affect the child connected to her body through either being in utero or breast feeding. So,

• Model good food choices yourself. Your children copy you.
• Don't give your young child chocolate, sugary drinks, potato crisps, deep fried foods AT ALL while they are developing their 'taste buds'. It takes a child up to 15 goes to become used to a new flavour. Persist! Don't have alternatives in the cupboard.
• Children have brand new taste buds, naturally sensitive to even the subtlest flavours. There is NO NEED to give them spicy, sugary, salty foods to keep them 'happy'. For a snack, celery sticks, carrot sticks, cheese cubes, apple slices, banana etc to chew on and WATER to drink. I shudder when I see babies and toddlers in prams with a bottle full of Coke or fruit juice. There is absolutely no need for either. You are setting them up for a lifetime of struggle with their weight and nutrition!
• When we want a treat or feel depressed a pick-me-up may well be in order. But keep it to a SMALL AMOUNT.

 

sliced apple, rye bread, celery sticks with cream cheese, eggplant (aubergine) dip, salami, sweet corn, swiss cheese slices

Other considerations
Diets low in Magnesium can increase anxiety related behaviours. The Harvard Medical School health blog has some great tips here

• Keep meals regular. If you skip meals your blood sugar level drops, making you feel jittery and anxious
• There is a definite link between gut health and mental health. Probiotics may also help anxiety, as they help gut health, which impacts greatly upon mental health.
• Choose complex, unprocessed carbs such as whole grains and starchy vegies which take longer to digest. These keep you calmer for longer.
• Limit alcohol and caffeine. These alter your mood artificially and can easily be overused, worsening the problem.
• Legumes, nuts, seeds and whole grains, also spinach have lots of Magnesium

Other foods which will help reduce anxiety and improve mental health 
Some foods actually increase dopamine and serotonin levels in the body, helping you feel better!

• Foods rich in zinc such as oysters, cashews, liver, beef, and egg yolks have been linked to lowered anxiety.
•  Asparagus, avocado and almonds
• pickles, sauerkraut and kefir
• fatty fish such as wild Alaskan salmon

Foods designated as high in antioxidants also help reduce anxiety

• Beans: Dried small red, Pinto, black, red kidney
• Fruits: Apples (Gala, Granny Smith, Red Delicious), prunes, sweet cherries, plums, black plums
• Berries: Blackberries, strawberries, cranberries, raspberries, blueberries
• Nuts: Walnuts, pecans
• Vegetables: Artichokes, kale, spinach, beets, broccoli
• Spices with both antioxidant and anti-anxiety properties include turmeric (containing the active ingredient curcumin) and ginger.
• dark chocolate, in small amounts!
• eggs
• green tea

Sleep issues?
According to this article, avoid proteins such as chicken, cheese and turkey at bedtime. They actually interfere with the body's production of tryptohpan, which winds down your brain for sleep. Carbs, on the other hand, make you sleepy.

There are countless websites with recipes you can try, simple things to put in the lunchbox. Its just a case of reaching for the vegetable peeler instead of the packet of chips.

Habits! That's what we're trying to form.
And healthy ones, at that.

For more ideas on simple, quick meals for kids click here http://secretstohappykids.blogspot.com.au/